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Frequently
Asked Questions
Why
is it that during the High Holidays the ushers sometimes won’t allow
people to enter or leave the sanctuary?
Because the Rosh Hashanah and Yom
Kippur services are so profoundly important to so many of us, the Ritual
Committee feels a responsibility to maintain a quiet and prayerful
atmosphere in the sanctuary during services.
This is the case throughout the services, but it is particularly
true during certain prayers and messages.
It is for this reason that the ushers will ask us all to refrain
from entering or leaving the sanctuary at the following times: during the
Kedushah at all services, during the chanting of Hineni, during each
recitation of the kol Nidre prayer, and during the Rabbi’s sermons and
the UJA and Kol Nidre appeals.
Most of us have spent
many frustrating minutes, minutes that feel more like hours, waiting
outside the sanctuary doors because we arrived at the sanctuary just after
the ushers were asked to stop people from entering.
When this happens, we may miss a part of the service that’s very
important or very dear to us. My
hope is that all of us can avoid leaving the sanctuary as the prayers and
talks mentioned above are approaching so that none of us will be outside
the sanctuary when we want to be inside.
If, heaven forbid, you happen to be on the wrong side of the
sanctuary doors and the ushers ask you to wait until a certain prayer or
talk ends before you enter the sanctuary, please take pity on the poor
ushers whose job it is to maintain quiet in the sanctuary when people most
need it. By waiting patiently
and quietly you will be making the holidays more beautiful for everyone.
What
is proper dress for the High Holidays?
One of the special garments worn on
the High Holidays is the kittel. A
kittel is a white robe or gown that is traditionally worn (over one’s
regular clothing) on only a few occasions.
Traditionally, a kittel is worn only by a man, but in our
congregation and in other egalitarian congregations, both men and women
own and wear one. A groom often wears his kittel to his wedding ceremony.
The person who leads the Passover Seder traditionally wears a
kittel. We (the entire
congregation) can wear a kittel to all services on Yom Kippur, beginning
with the Kol Nidre service and ending with the Neilah service.
Some of us are buried in our kittel.
Even for those who are not, Maimonides taught that the kittel’s
shroud-like appearance reminds us of death and in doing so increases our
awe of the day.
The kittel is white,
symbolizing purity (the spiritual aim of atonement and penitence on that
day). Often on Yom Kippur we
wear a white kipah (or other head covering) for the same reason.
Some of us have a white kipah that we wear only for Yom Kippur.
Some wear white shoes and stockings.
It’s customary to avoid wearing leather on Yom Kippur (or at
least leather soles on our shoes) to avoid even a hint of cruelty to
animals on the Day of Judgment. Consequently
many people arrive in white canvas sneakers.
Besides symbolizing our sympathy for God’s creatures, wearing
sneakers also serves to increase our feelings of humility—something very
desirable on Yom Kippur.
When we wear a kittel, it
is worn over our regular clothes, but underneath our tallit (if we wear a
tallit). The kittel opens (usually with buttons or snaps) down the
front, and is tied at the waist with a belt made from the same cloth.
It is usually made of cotton, linen or synthetic fabric, and
reaches below the knee. Some
are very plain and others are decorated with pleats, lace, embroidery or
other decorative work (always in white).
You can visit Tuvia’s in Monsey or any other Judaica shop if
you’d like to see what’s available. If you’re handy, you can make one for yourself using a
pattern for a robe or a long jacket or coat and a suitable white fabric.
We don’t have to be a
pious or extremely religious person to wear a kittel.
All we have to be is a person who wants to experience Yom Kippur
fully and is willing to adopt a new ritual practice that can help us reach
toward that spiritual goal.
Which
beverages are kosher?
Every once in awhile a question
comes up about which drinks are kosher and which are not, which can be
brought into shul and which not. Much
to many people’s surprise, nearly everything drinkable is kosher.
The only exception is one drink that actually contains clam
juice—Clamato juice. Clamato
juice is definitely not kosher. Everything
else is.
All wines are kosher,
whether they are Jewish wines or not, and whether they bear a hechsher (a
kosher symbol) or not. The
hechsher on wines signify that they were not touched by non-Jews, who, in
the time of the Talmud, were suspected of dedicating wines to their pagan
gods. All beer is kosher.
All sodas, juices, sports drinks, bottled water.
You name it. The brand
is irrelevant and so is the presence or absence of a hechsher.
As with anything edible
that we bring into shul, we bring in only unopened containers.
Outside of that restriction and the ban on Clamato juice, the
sky’s the limit.
Why
are there two different kinds of books in the pews of our sanctuary?
The larger of the two is the
chumash (plural: chumashim) which contains the five books of the Torah and
readings from the Prophets selected to be read as Haftarot (in Sephardic
Hebrew the singular of this word is Haftarah and the plural Haftarot.
In Ashkenazic Hebrew the singular is the more commonly pronounced
Haftorah). The smaller
book is the siddur (plural: siddurim). It contains the Shabbat and holiday
prayer services.
Many of us also own our
own copies of these books. In
Hebrew School our children are given their own copy of the siddur as a
consecration gift from the congregation and at their Bar or Bat Mitzvah
ceremony they are given their own chumash.
Many adults still own and use the chumash and siddur given to us
during our childhood.
The siddur and chumash
are probably the two more important and beloved books for Jews because
they contain our essential sources of knowledge, prayer and spirituality.
It is for this reason that we treat them with great love, care and
respect.
When we finish reading
from one of these books, some people kiss it before returning it to its
place. If we accidentally
drop a siddur or chumash on the floor, we pick it up gently and kiss it.
When we return them to the bookracks on the pews, we always place
them upright (if you notice one of tour books upside down, please right
it). When, after many years
of use, the bindings give way or the books become unusable in any other
way, they are buried rather than recycled or throw away.
When we own our own
copies of these two books, we often become quite attached.
My siddur contains brief notes about the services that I’ve taken
over the years in many adult education courses, notes for ushering or
leading different services, a few pieces of confetti from Simchat Torah
and always some crumbs of matzah on the page for the holiday kiddush.
All of this makes my siddur more dear to me.
I’m equally attached to the chumash I use regularly which bears
the inscription from my husband’s shul, given to him the day of his Bar
Mitzvah celebration. Anyone
who does not own a copy of either book can purchase it from the synagogue
office or any Jewish bookshop.
What
is the job of the usher during Shabbat and holiday services?
There is always one usher on duty
during Shabbat and holiday services.
During a Bar or Bat Mitzvah there are two and for the High Holidays
there are as many as a half-dozen. The
ushers begin their work before the services start and continue to be
responsible for the overall smooth running of Shabbat and Yom Tov services
throughout the morning and on through to the Kiddush.
They make sure the sanctuary is comfortable and quiet enough for
prayer. They help the Rabbi
and Cantor in whatever way is necessary during the services.
If anyone else needs help or information about the services, the
ushers are the ones who supply it. The
ushers select people to recite the blessings for the Torah reading, open
and close the ark, lift and dress the Torah and perform other honors.
On special occasions like Bar or Bat Mitzvah celebrations, they
orchestrate the honors assigned to the family and friends of the
celebrating family. Most
importantly, they ensure that all these tasks are done at the proper time
and with kindness and respect. To
perform the job of usher, it is necessary to be extremely familiar with
the Shabbat and Yom Tov morning services and the many variations within
those services, and to possess an armamentarium of people and
organizational skills.
During
the Torah service, extra people go up onto the bimah to help out.
Who are they?
The gabbai’im (the singular is
gabbai) are the two people who help the Rabbi, Cantor and Torah readers on
the bima during the Torah service. They
must be thoroughly familiar with the order of services, and in addition
they must have strong Hebrew skills.
As the Torah service begins, the gabbai’im set up the reading
table and help congregants and guests find their places on the bima.
During the Torah reading, they keep the service flowing smoothly by
directing people as they play their various roles in the service. The gabbai who stands on the left side of the Torah reader
helps the Torah reader and corrects any errors that are made.
In the Torah scroll, the Hebrew words are written without vowels,
musical notations or punctuation. Needless
to say, that is difficult to read. To
help out, the gabbai holds another copy of the Torah written with
vowels, musical notations and punctuation right next to the Torah scroll.
If necessary, the Torah reader can quickly glance over to the
gabbai’s copy. The gabbai
is carefully following the reading word for word, pointing to each word as
it’s read with a small pointer called a yad.
If the reader needs to glance over, he or she can easily see the
exact place they need to look because the gabbai is pointing to it.
The gabbai to the right
of the Torah reader helps the people who come up for an aliyah and
announces the page number where each aliyah begins in the chumash so the
congregation can follow the reader.
Why
do some people wear a tallit (prayer shawl)?
Why wear a tallit?
You’d probably get a lot of different answers if you asked
around. Most Jewish men wear
a tallit from the time of bar mitzvah without necessarily giving it much
thought. Yet other men in our
congregation, particularly those who have returned to higher levels of
observance in adulthood, give this mitzvah a great deal of thought.
Most of the women in our congregation who wear tallitot (the plural
of tallit) have made a conscious decision to wear one during morning
prayer. Some of us have made
our own. So why?
Why wear a tallit?
Our siddur suggests one
reason. In the meditation before putting on the tallit we pray “I
wrap myself in a tallit with fringes to fulfill the mitzvah of my Creator,
as written in the Torah: “They
shall put fringes on the corners of their garments in every generation.”
(Numbers 15:38). We continue
with the berachah “Praised are You, Lord our God, King of the universe,
who gave us the mitzvah to wrap ourselves in tzitzit.”
So the first reason that we wear a tallit is because we are
commanded to do so. The
tzitziot (plural of tzitzit) symbolize all the mitzvot in the Torah and we
wear them to remind ourselves of the importance of mitzvot in our lives.
For many of us, there are
other important reasons as well, reasons of a more mystical nature.
Immediately following the berachah for the tallit in our siddur is
a beautiful psalm that the editor of our siddur offers a description of
the intense joy and pleasure of wrapping ourselves in a tallit.
It reads “How precious is Your constant love, O God.
Mortals take shelter under Your wings.
They feast on the abundance of Your house.
You give them drink from Your stream of delights.
With You is the fountain of life, in Your light we are bathed in
light. Maintain Your
constant love for those who acknowledge You, and Your beneficence for
those who are honorable.” (Psalm 36: 8-11)
If these are for some of us the feelings as we surround ourselves
with the tallit immediately following the recitation of the berachah, is
it any wonder that so many of us pause for so long, sheltered beneath
God’s wings, bathing in His light?
For many, this ritual is a profoundly moving transition into a
prayerful state. The tallit transports us from the realm of every day into an
intimate closeness with God’s presence.
What
is appropriate dress for the synagogue?
Every synagogue has different
customs regarding dress for synagogue attendance (or, for that matter,
dress at any time or place). What
are our customs?
If you attend a regular
weekday prayer service (Shacharit every Sunday morning at 9am and Mincha
on Hebrew School days at 4:20pm), you’ll notice that almost everyone is
dressed casually. Men, women and children wear slacks or jeans, sneakers or
other casual shoes with ordinary shirts, blouses or sweaters.
Nothing fancy. On weekdays (not including holidays), we dress for synagogue
the way we would if we were going to the grocery store, to school or to a
movie.
Shabbat is a different
story. On Shabbat, the Queen of days, we dress in a way that’s
different from every other day. Special.
For each of us, that probably means something a little different.
For some women, that means wearing a skirt instead of pants, and
for other women it means dressier slacks instead of denim or sweat pants.
For some men, a tie is important on Shabbat, but for others,
dressing for Shabbat means wearing a turtleneck instead of a T-shirt.
Well-worn running shoes or old blue jeans with holes and fraying
seams are out, but aside from these obvious kinds of weekday clothes, each
of us has room to decide for ourselves what’s special and different for
us. Choosing special clothes
for Shabbat, then, is one of the ways in which we honor, separate and
celebrate our holiest of days.
At all times, on Shabbat
and weekdays, our dress at synagogue should be modest.
Basically, we want to make sure that our dress is conducive not
only to our own prayer but also to the prayer of those around us.
If our clothing is too revealing it can be quite distracting both
to ourselves and to others.
What about ritual garb?
In our congregation, we ask that all Jewish men wear a tallit for
the Shacharit (morning) service. Women
choose whether or not to wear a tallit.
Men are asked to cover their heads at all times in the synagogue
building, usually with a kipah, and women may choose whether or not to
cover their heads. During the
weekday Shacharit service (in our synagogue that is held only on Sunday
mornings), men and women to choose to, wear tefillin.
If
I’ve never worn a tallit before, is it too late to begin?
If you have never worn one, you may
choose to begin wearing one at any time after age 12 for a woman or 13 for
a man. Some of our members
have chosen a special occasion to begin this ritual practice—a specific
Jewish holiday, a birthday, an adult bar or bat mitzvah celebration.
Others have begun when the time felt right to them.
When you decide to wear a tallit, you have quite a few options.
You can use one of the tallitot provided by the synagogue on the
racks outside the sanctuary, or you can choose to have one of your own.
You can make one for yourself or someone you love—there are
simple directions in The First Jewish Catalogue, or you can
buy one for yourself at any Judaica store.
Some of our members have had a tallit hand-woven for themselves.
Tallitot come in many
sizes and colors. The only
ritual requirements are that the tallit be a four-cornered garment (any
square or rectangular piece of cloth qualifies) with a fringe (tzitzit) on
each of the four corners. Each
tzitzit consists of four strings tied in a very specific way with an exact
pattern of knots and wrapping of the strings around one another.
Some people choose a tallit that covers only the shoulders whereas
others prefer a long tallit that reaches to the floor.
Most tallitot have an “atarah,” a strip of fabric added to the
body of the tallit where the tallit rests on the neck.
Sometimes the blessing for putting on the tallit is written across
the atarah, though that is not a requirement.
There are no rules in terms of color or pattern of the fabric for
the body of the tallit. Some
tallitot have an extra patch of fabric to reinforce each of the four
corners, but that is not necessary.
If you own your own
tallit, you may want to leave it in the synagogue so you won’t have to
carry it to the synagogue on Shabbat in violation of the Shabbat.
There are two large boxes in the rear of the sanctuary where people
who own tallitot leave them. If
you also recite daily prayer at home, it is customary to have a second
tallit at home.
We stand to put on or
take off a tallit, and we remove our tallit before entering a bathroom.
When we put the tallit back on, it isn’t necessary to repeat the
blessing.
What
role does the tallit have in prayer?
Simply putting on the tallit at the
beginning of morning prayer is one of the important ways of preparing
ourselves to pray. It is a
concrete way of signaling ourselves and God that we are putting our other
pursuits aside to spend time in the presence of God.
How does one put on a
tallit? Holding it in front of you by the ends of the atarah (the
strip of fabric that rests at the neck), you pronounce the blessing (found
at the very beginning of every morning service).
If your tallit has the blessing embroidered on the atarah, you can
read it from there. Many
people then kiss both ends of the atarah before they bring the tallit
around their shoulders. We
rest the tallit on our head, actually wrapping our head in it completely
for a moment or two, then we bring it down to our shoulders.
Depending on the size of tallit you’ve chosen and your own
preference, you may wrap yourself in it like a shawl, wear it like a scarf
around your neck or hike each end up over your shoulders.
During the morning
services (this is when we wear a tallit), we use the tzitziot (fringes) on
the four corners of the tallit several times.
The first time is during the Shema.
During the blessing just before the Shema, we gather the four
tzitziot in our right hand and hold them.
This is traditionally done toward the end of this blessing as we
ask God to gather our people in peace from the four corners of the earth
(“Vahavienu l’shalom me’arba kanfot ha’aretz…”), but if
you’re new at this, you may want to get started at the beginning of the
paragraph. We hold the
tzitziot firmly for all three paragraphs of the Shema.
During the third paragraph we mention the tzitziot three times. Each time we say the word “tzitzit,” we kiss them.
We continue to hold them tight after the end of the Shema until the
sixth word of the second paragraph after the Shema—“le’ad,”
“forever.” At that time
we kiss the tzitziot one last time and then release them.
Later in the service when
the Torah is carried around the Sanctuary, we use one of our tzitzit to
touch the Torah as it passes by. First
we touch the tzitzit to the Torah, then we kiss the tzitzit.
Similarly, we you have an
aliyah to the Torah during the Torah service, you use one tzitzit to touch
the Torah scroll at the beginning and end of the reading just before we
recite the berachot (blessings). We
touch the scroll with one of our tzitziot where the Torah reader
indicates, then kiss the tzitzit. Those
of us who don’t wear a tallit can use the Torah binder to touch the
scroll.
We continue to wear the
tallit through the end of the morning services.
When the services end, we fold our tallit carefully and put it
away.
When
is it okay to walk into the sanctuary during Shabbat morning services?
There are a few times during the
Shabbat services when it’s best to wait outside the sanctuary rather
than enter immediately—during the silent Amidah* of Shacharit and Musaf.
We wait quietly outside the sanctuary for the congregation to
finish so we don’t disturb the intense concentration and devotion our
tradition tells us are needed for these prayers.
Besides, as a practical matter, it’s traditional to stand with
our feet together in parallel fashion, without moving them at all, during
the recitation of these prayers. If
you’ve ever seen someone attempt to keep their feet together, parallel
and motionless while someone inches around them in the pew, you already
understand the physical difficulty it presents.
It’s a little bit like playing the game “Twister.”
Trying to maintain concentration and devotion during this kind of
exercise is probably impossible. In
fact, you’ve probably noticed that some people step into the aisle for
these prayers just in case another person enters the sanctuary by mistake
at that time. If you’re
standing in the aisle rather than in a pew, no one will need to ask you to
move your feet so they can enter the pew.
So why the need for this
degree of concentration and devotion?
Essentially, all the prayers leading up to the Amidah are a
preparation for it. Before the Amidah, we are reading what our tradition teaches
us. We are reading the words
of God. We a preparing to
speak to God. During the
Amidah, we are opening our hearts and speaking directly to God.
So great is the need for inner preparation for the Amidah, that we
are asked to maintain deep concentration on our prayer from the time of
the Barchu until the end of the Amidah, avoiding conversation and any
other distractions from prayer.
How do we know as we
enter that the congregation is reciting these prayers?
During the Kedushah, the usher(s) will remind you.
Usually they stand at the main center doors to the sanctuary and
ask you to remain outside until the Kedushah ends.
When it ends, they invite you to enter the sanctuary.
Our ushers do not remind people not to enter during the
silent Amidah because they themselves are davvening the Amidah.
So if you arrive at the time of deep silence when the congregation
is standing in prayer, please remain outside the sanctuary until the Rabbi
announces the next prayer.
*The Amidah is also known
as the Silent Devotion, the Shemoneh Esrei or the Tefillah.
For
whom must we say observe the laws of mourning, including reciting Kaddish?
The answer is that we are obligated
to observe these laws for seven relatives, namely, father, mother, sister,
brother, son, daughter and spouse. This
list of relatives is based on the beginning of Parashat Emor in the Book
of Vayikra (Leviticus) in the Torah (chapter 21, verses 1-3).
There, the Torah tells us that Kohanim, who are to avoid contact
with the dead, are nevertheless permitted to be involved with funeral
arrangements for their immediate family, and it specifically mentions
these relatives (the spouse is not mentioned in these verses, but was
added to the list at a later time).
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